The cleanup came and passed and even though I wasn’t physically there my heart felt very much present and full from the updates, the pictures and videos, in the stencils that a friend made and seeing the activity come alive. The theme this month was “Estás aquí” or “I am here” and I’ve been sitting with it, both while I was away and now that I’m back.

The more I turn it over in my mind, the more I see how layered it is. Being here isn’t just about participating in an activity or physically, mentally, emotionally, showing wherever you are…sometimes being here means standing in the full complexity of a moment, the beauty and the frustration, the connection and the distance, the gratitude and the disappointment, the excitement and the fear.

Being here, for me right now, means creating space for the people who are right in front of me and also feeling the absence of the people who aren’t. It means recognizing I can be grounded in this exact second while my heart is still stretched across places, moments, and connections I wish I could step into in any given moment. It’s noticing how quickly limiting beliefs can pull me away from presence, right there in the back of the mind there is a way too familiar voice that says I don’t really matter unless I’m producing, proving, providing, showing up in some visible way.

Those beliefs make it harder to just be. They make me want to fill the space with progress or updates so I can feel worthy of occupying it. And yet, “I am here” reminds me that my presence is enough, even in it’s lacking. That I can sit with my grief and still notice the small, good things in front of me. That I can be thankful and disappointed in the same breath. That I can FULLY believe this for you and still be trying so hard to believe it for me as well.

Maybe that’s the real work…learning that “being here” doesn’t mean editing the moment so it’s only one thing. It means letting the moment be everything it actually is, and trusting that I am enough to be in it.

If I’m being honest, I’m heading into this week not really wanting to be exactly where I am and maybe that’s why this whole thing “being here” is such a practice and such an invitation.

So if you’re reading this, maybe take a moment to check in with yourself. Where are you right now? What are you carrying? Who might you invite into your space, even if it feels messy or complicated or like it’s not the “right” time?

P.s. Many of you have been so thoughtful to ask if there is any update on the social media situation and there is not! I did get in contact with an actual human person who “assured me that there dedicated team will be continuing their process and to continue to just be patient”. hahaha…okay 🤷🏽‍♀️